Sued51's Blog

{April 17, 2013}   What is it About April?


It’s a spring month, a time of renewal and hope; Easter often falls in this month. But it appears it is also a time for tragedy: the Oklahoma City Bombing, the Virginia Tech Shootings, the BP Oil Spill and now the Boston Marathon bombing. I saw my notes regarding some of these events in my long-term journal and shook my head. Why? This should be one of the best times of the year.

I know, you could probably take any month and find tragedies that have occurred in that month (December is another bad one), but because I live outside of Boston, the marathon tragedy is in my face and on my mind, bringing back bad memories of these other horrific events, events that took place at the same time as beautiful blooming bushes and daffodils.

I am going through tough times myself right now (nothing life-threatening…just way-of-life-threatening, which is psychologically difficult); that is why my blog posts have been few and far between. I have been calling this “the Spring I didn’t see” because I have barely noticed the flowers blooming or the weather warming. I go through my days in a haze of business and worry. Normally I would be enjoying the end of winter and anticipating my garden to come, but not this year. But Monday’s events made me HAVE to stop and think, whether I like it or not.

It’s easy to feel compassion for the victims, but hard to understand the people who perpetrate these acts. Are they so caught up in their own problems, so angry that they don’t see the flowers, feel the warmer air, see the blue sky, enjoy the world around them? When bad things are happening to you, it is hard not to feel blinding anger and self-pity. It takes strength and attention to see what’s good. Many of these people have minds eaten away by mental illness. Not an excuse, but a way to remember that, though their acts seem inhuman, they are humans with problems.

I went out for a very quick walk this morning, but I got down on my hands and knees to smell the hyacinths. I had to…I have to keep that smell and vision in my thoughts all day to get through. Life goes on, in very beautiful ways if you can see it.

et cetera
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