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For some reason, I made 100 the number — the number of followers I wanted for my blog this year. Why?

It seemed like a round number; it seemed like an accomplishment (maybe not for others –but for me –yes). I thought WordPress would give me a star, some fireworks…(hmm, it could have been the earthquake day 🙂 ) It came and went and I didn’t notice until now.

I thought it would make me happy, but it makes me feel…responsible. I can’t give up; I must find time to write and find time to visit and comment on other’s blogs. I must find time to complete posts for awards that I was blessed with weeks ago.

Should I set a new goal? Another random number? I don’t think so.

I am grateful to my followers for giving me some fun, some encouragement, something to look forward to and a reason to keep going, TRULY…but today, I just feel tired.

Despite that, I say to my followers, “Party On, all You Fabulous Bloggers!”

My alphabet of music will be ending this week, and I’ve got to find the next hill to climb…I love to see you all climbing beside me!



{January 10, 2011}   Lists, Lists, and More Lists

I’ve spent a lot of time since New Year’s day writing lists or thinking about writing lists — daily lists, weekly lists, and monthly lists; lists of things my husband wants me to do, lists of things we need to get done as a couple, and lists of things I want to do.  I’ve tried to mind dump approach, but it seems endless.  I’m trying to figure out what I have to do and what I can cut out, but there’s too many important things (well, they are important to somebody in my life, whether it is my husband, me, or my mother…).  Is it making me feel like I can make a plan and set goals?  Is it making me feel like I get organized?  No, so far it is making me panic more — I don’t think that’s how it is supposed to work.

I know that I have to do something.  Right now my days off seem to disappear in a fog of small everyday tasks such as making meals, doing dishes, emptying wastebaskets, reading emails, scooping the cat box, folding laundry…on and on and on.  And all the things I SHOULD be doing to combat the panic and anxiety — meditation, prayer, exercise — I don’t fit in because all they do is eat up more time!  (Although, exercising gives my brain a jumpstart, but that ends in my adding more to my lists.)

As I have been helping my mother go through the piles of paperwork my father accumulated, guess what we’ve found a lot of?  Lists.  I’m sure it did help him get some stuff done.  I also think that he would often misplace his list and have to make a new one.  But the bottom line was, bless him, he didn’t have the energy or the time to accomplish everything on his lists; I know he wanted to, desperately, but he knew his time was limited.  Unfortunately he didn’t do some of the practical things he should have done.  (You can learn a lot about a person by looking at their “to do” lists.  Like me, some of his lists were just random thoughts or ideas about creative projects; he was imaginative and needed escapes from reality.)

I DO understand you can’t get caught up on years of being behind in a few days, so I’m making progress with some small steps.  I’ve cut back on my groups on LinkedIn and I’ve “unfriended” some people on Facebook, in an effort to cut back on emails and distractions that are simply unproductive.  (I wasn’t really “there” for those people or things anyway.)  And I continue to make lists — eventually the lists will force me to see what I don’t want to face: that I HAVE to narrow my focus and lower my expectations of myself, despite the initial pain I will feel about giving up some things.  Life really is short and the phrase, “No pain, No gain” (as has been said about working out or dieting) applies here as well.

There is no “Superwoman” and there’s a reason they haven’t made a “Wonder Woman” movie yet.



et cetera
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