“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”
― Maya Angelou
What a great topic. Music played a huge part in my life when I was between 20 and 40 (pun intended). The picture above summarizes my life at that time: books, backstage passes (in the frame), and my beloved cat, Simone. (Excuse the quality…I had to take it out of the frame and scan it.)
I have written a lot about my club-hopping days and only begun to write about the 15 years I worked at concert venues. While I was working concerts I was also working full-time. During 5 years of that time, I was also going to college at night getting my MA. The concerts were my social life, and the music helped me keep my sanity. Although when I finally stopped working concerts to concentrate on “real life,” it took years for music to stop playing constantly in my head, even when I was asleep. The feeling of having a constant soundtrack inspired me to write this poem:
When all was dark
a catchy chorus sometimes woke me
urgently with pounding heart,
“go away” I almost said aloud,
“allow me peaceful sleep”
tomorrow I must work.
Now days of silent boredom my reward
for pushing the music away, pressing down,
imprisoning someone else’s song inside myself,
or so I thought.
One day it will come no more;
then my voice will hoarsely whisper,
“how desperate are the droning days,
how pathetically peaceful the empty nights:
how deaf is my life.”