Sued51's Blog











{April 23, 2014}   There’s Nothing like a Sister…

How would I know, you might ask? Observation? Imagination?

I have mentioned before that I have six brothers and NO sisters. The older I get, the more I feel this as an empty hole in my life. You know how things come in threes? Easter Sunday three things made me consider the value of sisters.

Sisters

Sisters

In the morning I was going through yet another box of old photos at my mother’s house. The photos in the box I was going through belonged to my grandmother and great aunt. I had never seen many of them before, and they showed my grandmother and her sisters when they were in their twenties: on vacation, joking around and dressing up for Halloween (they are a bit older in this photo). There were smiles all around. Very different from the elderly women I remember with the weight of years on them. Looking at the photos, the closeness and the camaraderie came through. The photos made me smile and made me miss my great-aunts. Well…the great-aunts that I never got to know.

After dinner with my family, I went to the home of a friend that I call my “pseudo-sister.” We have known each other for 37 years, since we were 18 years old. When I walked in, her mother and her mother’s sisters, all in their 70’s, were singing together and recording it on someone’s iphone. They were laughing and, admittedly a little tipsy. It really made me smile. One of them had come up with an old photo from when they were girls, copied it, and gifted it to the others in a little Easter basket. They were all clearly enjoying the day despite whatever health problems they have.

After they left, when my friend and I were alone, we talked about our youth. Somehow the conversation turned to Julianne Phillips, the ex-wife of Bruce Springsteen. I mentioned the show she starred in: “Sisters.” It turned out my friend had never seen it! (We’re always learning new things about each other.) I told her how I used to watch it faithfully. I thought about that as I drove home. Did I watch the show to see what having sisters was like because I felt I missed it?

I think the real-life I observed in my grandmother’s photos, the moments between my friend’s Mom and her sisters were probably more realistic than the TV show, but perhaps not? Sisters steal each others’ clothes, and boyfriends too in a not-so-perfect world. And they snitch on you and tease you just like brothers…(though not in this clip)

The Daily Post had a topic the other day: what’s on your bucket list? I couldn’t write about it, because I haven’t made one. I don’t allow myself to want trips or things that I’ll never have the money to buy. What I want to experience before I leave this earth are not places to see or things to do — they are feelings that I want to feel. I can’t change the fact that I don’t have blood sisters. But I am grateful to have my pseudo-sister. And I can continue to cultivate new relationships and continue to search for soul-sisters…

Now that’s what’s on my bucket list.

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Jo Bryant says:

I like the idea of soul sisters. I have a few of those. I had 5 sisters, now 4…but sadly there never was and now probably never will be any real closeness between me and any of them

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sued51 says:

Jo, the older I get, the more I think you have to go out and “find” your “true” family. With a world so big and busy, sometimes it is hard.
I think we all WISH for closeness with our family but family dynamics are problematic at best. There are a lot of variables and emotions that can get in the way of closeness.
I value and love my pseudo-sister very much.
I’m sorry you aren’t close to your sisters, but I’m glad you have soul-sisters!

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Jo Bryant says:

Me too Sue…me too

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I had 4 brothers and no sisters but I’m very close to all my brothers and also love my sisters-in-law too. I think when you DON’T have sisters you work harder to be close to your pseudo-sisters (I have 2 and love them both a lot). I know lots of sisters who are not close so I don’t envy them, rather I am thankful for the closeness of the family i DO have, and for the love and caring of my pseudo-sisters (who also have no other sisters). Enjoyed your post, made me think!

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sued51 says:

Thanks for your comment, Tina. You are very blessed to be close to your brothers and sister-in-laws. There’s a large age difference in my family that complicates matters.
I think you have a very good point about making the effort with pseudo-sisters; I always find it interesting that many of my friends do not have sisters or are only children. Must be because of what you said: we work harder to be closer because we don’t have other sisters.

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My sister is 9 years older than me. It wasn’t until the last 10 years that our kinship and bond solidified as adults. You have had your pseudo-sister longer than that. That is a marvelous friendship and sistership (less the boyfriend stealing). Great photo find. 🙂

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sued51 says:

Angelia, thanks for your comment. I think as you get older, the difference in years doesn’t seem to matter so much. My youngest brother is 5 years younger than me…it seemed like a lot when we were young, but now I have a lot of friends that are the same age as he is and I don’t think a thing of it…
My pseudo-sister and I were never interested in the same guy. 🙂
I was really happy about the photos. I love the old sepia ones.

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Great sisterhood Sued 🙂

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sued51 says:

Thanks for visiting and commenting, Jake! Sorry I haven’t been able to participate in the Sunday Post lately…I’m REALLY busy!

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