Daily Post: Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror

Today’s daily post topic is Mirror, Mirror. One thing I discovered as I put this p0st together: it’s hard to take a picture of yourself in a mirror and still be able to see your face!

My friends tell me I look great, responding to the 30 lbs I have discarded during the last year. Even my doctor was impressed when she saw me a few months ago, glad that my blood pressure was lower and my cholesterol lower (though still not low enough!). But I know what else was left behind with those pounds. Meat is a stranger to me now; mostly I don’t miss it. I do worry a bit about the missing muscle I should be carrying to face my elder years. I no longer feel athletic, though I can walk for miles and not feel it. I am lighter and more comfortable in my skin, but I glance behind me frequently, hoping the ghost of Karen Carpenter is not lurking in the shadows. So far, so good; the coast is clear. I recognize the strength that I’m missing and need for a healthy future. I vow to get it back; I’m not trying to get any thinner.

Looking in the mirror, I try to see the pretty woman others say they see, but instead I focus on a wrinkled neck desperate for a scarf, and hair dying to be dyed. Do I look my age? I really don’t know. I will say the crow’s-feet haven’t really found me yet, though I can hear the caw’s getting closer. I search my tired eyes daily, looking for the girl who was game for anything, who saw beauty everywhere, who wanted to learn about everything. Some days I see her, some days I don’t, but that’s okay. I know that even when I don’t see her, she just needs her space or is sleeping in; I no longer fear she’s gone forever.

For a while I felt a kind of painful shock looking at my old pictures: what happened? Life, years, experience…none of us get through unscathed. I love the old pictures my mother has saved of the relatives who came before me and I love to hear their stories; sometimes I recognize familiar pieces here and there. I am a collage of past generations, a changing kaleidoscope of colors, fascinating when it comes down to it. Those old pictures of me are flat and one-dimensional; a collage is much richer.

The more I take pictures of nature and appreciate trees at different stages of life, rocks covered with moss, the changing of the seasons, the beauty in the casualties and cycle of life, the easier it gets to look in the mirror. How different am I from the trees? My bark is not as rough and my rings are on the outside, but I continue to reach for the sun…and as the years go by, I can see my own reflection, standing tall.