Sued51's Blog











{December 16, 2010}   Connected but Disconnected…

Okay, it has happened.  I am momentarily speechless, unable to communicate.  My husband recommended that I jot down my thoughts and feelings in a notebook for later blogs.  I am trying to do that, but the rawness, the changeability, the pain is so acute.  I felt I had to write SOMETHING for my readers.  I have a lot of blog ideas written down but they just seem so ridiculous and so trivial right now.

My beloved father is in hospice at home.  Just let me say, they are WONDERFUL: kind, skilled, and sympathetic.  They know that when you are going through it, it feels like you have been transported to another world, connected only to your family and those strangers that come in an out: nurses, social workers, chaplains and home health aides.  You lose track of what day it is, yet you are acutely aware of every hour.

I try to see some light.  I appreciate the new connection to my family…I don’t think we have every talked to each other this much since we were children; we share and yet, we each deal with this quiet emotional cocoon in our own way.  Sometimes we don’t like how another family member copes, but we make no judgments in this world, just go with the flow.

While in the outside world, people Christmas shop, mail Christmas cards and go to parties.  Life goes on for the living, as it should.  For those in between, the world appears as a hazy gray blur.  It hasn’t snowed here yet, but I’m in the midst of a blizzard I have to find my way through.

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Bernadette says:

Hospice was a god send to us when my dad was ill – hard to believe it will be 20 years on Monday. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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